Stage Check

June 4, 2010

Went for my Stage Check ride. That is like a pre-test for the FAA check ride. Brian, the Stage checker, had me plan a route from Ft. Pierce to Key West Int. a 3 hour flight in a Cessna 172. The flight was scheduled for 11:00 am, this is me we are talking about so you know how smooth this is going to be, however I got a phone call at 9:30 saying they moved the flight up to 10:00. I hadn’t even finished my flight plan, you can’t do those too early because winds and temperatures never stay the same (stupid weather), it takes me usually and hour or two to crank one out now I only have thirty minutes. I finished it in time and I am pretty sure I stayed in the United States although I didn’t know Florida had a San Diego, and I was also pretty certain that I would never see winds greater than 15,000 miles an hour. It’s amazing what you can do in a hurry if you need to bad enough. Enough of that boring stuff.
We walked out to the plane N739FC, I did my pre-flight inspection perfectly. Engine started perfectly, I flipped the Flaps up switch and heard what sounded like an aluminum can being slowly crushed. NOT GOOD!!! So we brought the flaps back down and raised them again watching the flaps. About half way up, the flap looked like it fell off the track. Brian looked at me and said, “What are you going to do?” I realized that my best learning experiences have always come after making a really dumb decision, but I wasn’t in the mood to learn anything that day, so I calmly told Mike I wouldn’t fly this plane. He laughed and said that I had an amazing Falsetto voice, but had a hard time hearing because all the dogs were barking. We walked to the mechanics and had them take a look, one brought out a pair of sheet metal cutters and cut off a chunk of skin that had broken loose and got wedged in the track. Good to go I was told. Yee Haw, I get to fly.
We took off, turned south for my route. Hit the first way point almost perfectly, hit the second waypoint spot on. Brian turns to me and says, “Bad weather we have to divert, take me to Okeechobee.” Hehehe, this pilot was prepared, I already had that stuff figured out, so I turned to 270 degrees that is west for you ground based people (Jo Erickson). Now Brian goes where are we? I pull out my map open it up, select two different VORs (radio beams that come from towers). Remember I am still flying in the air. With my map open, I have to draw two straight lines from the VOR stations. I have to open my map bigger. Find the VOR, meanwhile the wind is pushing my plane up, down, left, right, once or twice I think I was upside down. Finally I get my lines drawn and tell Brian I am right here. He says prove it. I am right in the middle of three airports according to the map (sectional) I start looking at the ground. I don’t see no friggin runway. I consult the map again, I know I am there, I look to the ground again still no runway. Brian takes the plane and immediately dives, and I am NOT kidding when I say dive, I know what color a stomach is because I saw mine floating above me. Anyway, he tells me we are on base, I still don’t see the runway, then he turns on final. Finally I see a long backyard. Is that it? That piece of grass that looks just like the field next to it? The one surrounded by trees? Yep.
Now we climb back up and he says close your eyes, ok, Brian you have the plane, he responds with No. Umm Brian, you want me to fly the plane with my eyes closed? I hear a yes. Ok, I close my eyes and fly, now the devil next to me says turn left. OK, a start my left turn, WITH MY EYES CLOSED. Whoever said ribs are meant to contain and protect your heart is a liar because mine was bouncing off the windshield or at least I think it was because my EYES WERE CLOSED. Soon Satan says now turn to your right, so I turn to my right. I swear I thought I was in a dive so I pulled up, now I felt I was climbing so I pushed the nose back down, now I felt I was banking too steeply to the right so I turned to the left, but I was supposed to be turning right, so I turned back to the right, but I am climbing so I push the nose over. Now Brian says open your eyes. I was 100% positive I was in a right turn dive. I mean I would have bet my life on it. I opened my eyes and beheld beautiful blue dirt. Ahh beautiful blue dir…..blue dirt??? Since when is dirt blue? I quickly scan my instruments, Holy Cow, I am in a climbing left turn. Full throttle, level the wings, bring the nose down. Brian says good job. Now I know why they don’t allow students to carry guns.
Next Brian says lets do slow flight, I ace that, then he says power off stall, my favorite. Chop the throttle, maintain altitude, wait for the stall horn, I hear that, wait for the buffeting of the wings, I feel that, wait for the stall (the plane quits flying and just falls from the sky), I don’t feel it. That plane wouldn’t stall, I had full back pressure trying to get the nose up to help it stall, it NEVER stalled. I guess I passed that that. We recover and Brian says your lost where are you? I immediately reach for the radio to call somebody and let them know I am lost (prior experience with that one) the devil says you have no radio. I am in a Cessna 172 they don’t go very fast and I was just shown where I was less than 5 minutes earlier I had to be in the vicinity still. I start my VOR vectoring when Satan says now you have no engine. At that point a very interesting weather phenomenom occurred, it started raining inside the cabin. It was soaking my map. I tossed everything in the back seat, and started my mantra; aviate (fly the plane), navigate (put it somewhere), communicate (brilliant with no radio) I pick a spot to do my emergency landing, go through the checklist. We descend to about 600 feet when Brian said I’d done a pretty good job. Lets go back to the airport.
We arrive over the airport and I discover a 4 billion knot crosswind. Even Brian asks if I can land in it. Whereupon I reverted back to my previous learning experience, my greatest learning came after a dumb decision. I confidently say I’ll never know unless I try. So down I go, crabbing into the wind. If you want to see some cool landing go to Youtube and type crosswind landings. I make the worst landing of my life, I hear the tires skidding crosswise, the runway is over a hundred feet wide and I used all of it. But Brian said considering the crosswind I did a pretty good job.
I am scheduled for my FAA checkride Wednesday.